Coming Out of the LGBTQ Lifestyle

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes, 1 second

Last week and the previous week, on days 3 and 4, we discussed how letting go is complex and the process of breaking up with your same-sex partner to follow Jesus. This decision is one of the most difficult because you love this individual and may have potential trauma bonds if you are in an unhealthy relationship like I was. Additionally, there may be codependency and absolutely soul ties which are deeply binding. Some of you have to consider other natural entanglements like children, property, marriage, apartments or houses. These choices you are being called to make are not easy, but they are possible. Let me tell you why. 

The God of Possible

Jesus said these words Himself when His disciples asked Him who then could be saved, “…With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). The context was within the story of The Rich Young Ruler, who asked what “good thing” he could do to obtain eternal life. Right then, Jesus is like, good deeds won’t get you eternal life, and there isn’t even anyone who does good except the Father. 

Jesus continues by telling him if you want eternal life, sell all of your stuff and give to the poor, you’ll have treasure in heaven, and then follow me. When I place this in the context of leaving the LGBTQ lifestyle, I realize what God had me do, is the same thing he asked of the rich young ruler and the same He’s asking of you. Is all that you hold in your hands more important to you than following the God who can actually save you? 

He didn’t force the rich young ruler to sell his stuff, but He gave him the option. God is a free-will God, in the sense that he will provide you with choices YOU must make. He will not drag you into fellowship with Him. Thus your relationship, present identity, good deeds, beliefs, and things cannot save. No person, place or thing has salvific power. The only chance any of us have at being saved is by the hand of God, who holds ALL possibilities in His hand. 

What is a Double Mind?

The Greek word for double-minded is dipsychos. Dipsychos literally means di-two/double and psychos-breath, spirit, soul, mind, which can be parred down to the word psyche or mind. Blue Letter Bible is my favorite online bible study resource for Greek and Hebrew word meanings, but I digress. Dipsychos means wavering, uncertain, doubting, and divided interest. A double mind is a mind that holds two opposing belief systems in one. You can see it as having two heads attached to your neck; one wants to serve God, and the second seeks to serve self and, in this case, remain in the lifestyle. Both cannot be right, and both cannot win. You can only serve one master. The word says, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matthew 6:24). 

Though in this verse, the juxtaposition was between God and money, you can also enter any competing desires for context and reflection. God and premarital sex, God and workaholism, God and food, God and illicit drugs, God and weed abuse, God and drunkenness, God and _____. What two masters are you trying to serve?

What are you serving?

Any attempts to serve two masters will fail. For instance, I would try to go to church and have a girlfriend, but church always fell to the wayside. That or it became a religious practice– I went because it was Sunday, not because I was being transformed. It was never long before I wasn’t reading the Bible and would stop praying. Relationships quickly became the priority, and I was serving that girlfriend passionately. When I was deep in the lifestyle, I despised God at points because I knew He had boundaries, and I couldn’t have Him and a girlfriend no matter how much I wanted Him to approve. 

Because the enemy hates for you to get the truth, that there is actually a way out of the LGBTQ lifestyle, he will challenge you in your mind. I had a double mind out of this world within the first year of coming out of the lifestyle. Now, I get to boast in the Lord that its been a year since He has set me free, praise God. I could not free myself; what I was called to do was make a conscious, expensive decision to “sell” all I possessed, which actually possessed me and follow Him. What is owning you that keeps you from following Jesus wholeheartedly? (Hint* they are the things you can’t just ‘let go’ of).

The enemy attempted to trap me in this purgatory of “are you sure God said you had to break up with her?” “Are you sure God’s word speaks against homosexuality?” “Are you sure you want to keep walking down this narrow road” “You do know you can turn back, right?” “It might take a little work, but you could salvage your relationship”. These ideas were constantly warring in my mind. I would flip back and forth between whether I would keep going or turn around. I was dizzy with double-mindedness. 

The Bible says this about double-mindedness in James 1:5-8:

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

I was totally unstable, and I first had to know my state and then admit this instability was true. God was not shaming me for being in this place, but He was revealing what He desired to heal. Abba knew I desired freedom, so He put a desire in my heart to understand this topic deeper, and that’s when He led me to the book I’ve mentioned previously, From Double-Minded to Destiny: How to stand firm in your faith with an undivided heart and singleness of mind by Tyrelle Smith. 

When I realized this torment was caused by double-mindedness as God revealed this truth to me, I became supernaturally fired up to tackle this issue both in the natural and spirit. There was and is a danger in being doubleminded; it is crippling to faith, especially newborn baby faith. My mind was transformed and renewed through reading the word and this book. I was eventually set free from a double mind. Singlemindedness allowed my “yes” to God to be a full “yes” and changed my walk with Him from that moment forward. 

I tell you these things because you will likely encounter this phase in your walk, or you may be there now. This struggle between whether it is right to follow God or wrong to leave your girlfriend or boyfriend and/or if you’ve made a mistake by destroying your relationship and choosing God. 

I had to level with myself regarding this lie because my relationship was built upon the debris of destruction. All of my relationships existed off deep amounts of trauma on both sides. The foundation was sand, and I was well aware. So though it was going to hurt to press on, God would not let me be bound to the past by a lie. Thank God.

I realized, like most things, it was a trust issue between God and me. Could I indeed trust God with my yes? Would God deliver on all the things He says in His word if I say yes? If I cut off this second head in the spirit, will all I “sell” be restored as treasure in heaven and prosperity of soul and health on earth? To be healthy mentally, physically, relationally, and financially– was a long-held dream, and I wanted it with God.

Do You Know God?

The answer was yes, and it didn’t matter how I felt or how the circumstances looked. Tyrelle’s book introduced me to a verse that illuminated God’s character to me in such a magnificent way. The verse was Isaiah 22:23, and on it, I built my confidence in God. The verse says, “And I will fasten him as a nail in a sure place.” In these moments, this verse spoke to a need for stability in my heart, a need for assurance of mind. 

2 Timothy 2:19 doubles down; it says, “Nevertheless, the firm foundation of God stands, having this seal, “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Everyone who names the name of the Lord is to abstain from wickedness.” And, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded, (James 4:8). These were words I could not argue with. As we all do, I needed a new heart, a pure heart to serve the Lord with singleness of mind and abstinence from wickedness.

God is the surest foundation, and He wants us so secure in Him. We can be secure because He does not change. “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow, “James 1:17

Frankly, this stability was attractive to me, and it has made me love God even more because my history was so full of instability and inconsistency. If you know, as I know, this characteristic of God as unchanging, as a rock, not like a man that He should lie, will set you free to believe in all of His goodness. If you let Him free you, He will be the good Father He only knows how to be. 

Reflection Questions:

  1. Confess to God what you need to be purified of; any ideas, people, or things you are trying to serve while you serve Him.
  1. We are not meant to clean ourselves up and purify our own hearts; this is something God wants to do for those who are willing to be cleaned, healed, and whole. Especially because we barely know the wickedness of our own hearts if God does not reveal it to us. I prayed this Psalm 51 often and still pray it. I dare you to pray Psalm 51 daily and watch God blow your mind.

[Reading of Psalm 51]

If you missed previous days, check them out below. The blogs and audios are linked. See you next week on Day 6. 

Day 1 Blog or Audio 

Day 2 Blog or Audio

Day 3 Blog or Audio

Day 4 Blog or Audio

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